Kiran Jonnalagadda’s Blog

This week’s sole girl looking for a guy is a lesbian and possibly a
pedophile. I love this column.

First they sold refrigerators. Then they rented them out. Now they are selling refrigeration itself: make way for the service economy! Or I’m getting this wrong.

I’ve never seen a guy sitting sideways on a scooter before.

While waiting for chetan at The Forum Saturday, I wandered into the Whizz photography store and spotted a set of 58mm close-up lens filters.

So automated, each meter needs a dedicated attendant. And what’s with the caution, when it should be a welcome?

It’s pointless whining about punctuation anymore. Nobody cares.

Garbage bin cum torture rack. Exactly what the gangsters need at night. Threaten to puncture his neck and subject him to the stink until he yields.

How does any of this junk help with my security or convenience? They should be sued for such blatant lies.

There you go, folks. The philosophy of life condensed into two lines of verse. Sooner or later, some fundamentalist outfit will realise the potential of autorickshaw wisdom. Heed my words!

Yeah, right!

I was riding down the JP Nagar 100ft ring road yesterday when a traffic police patrol flagged me down for a random check and asked to see my driving license and insurance form. As it turned out, I had forgotten to photocopy the insurance form after renewing this August and had nothing to show.

“Pay Rs. 500 fine and go.”

I wasn’t in the mood to pay. I said I could go home and bring the form in ten minutes. They took my license and waved me off. When I returned fifteen minutes later, the patrol was gone. Not a single cop in sight. I went up and down the road twice, just in case they had moved further down. Blank. The cops were gone, and my license with them. I had no clue which police station these fellows were attached to, and I wasn’t even accused of anything!

Then I found a patrolman and he said it could be either the Mico Layout (BTM Layout) or JP Nagar police, depending on which side of the road they were on. He guessed Mico Layout. The Mico Layout police again asked which side of the road and said it must be the JP Nagar police. The JP Nagar police first said Jayanagar police, then said I should go to the back of the building where the traffic police were.

Read on...

“Sir, are you an employee of HP?”
“No.”
“Sir, are you an employee of HP?”
“No, I’m not. I’m a visitor.”
“Then how come you are taking photos?”
“Nobody said I couldn’t.”

When life fucks you over repeatedly, you learn to show the middle finger without flinching. I’m growing up.

Anyone know what flower that is?

It’s like putting a condom on a water tanker.

The duh-ya watch?

I’ve been listening to Crowded House’s Weather With You for years without understanding what it was about. Now in one startling moment, it suddenly makes sense. The last two lines hold the key.

I wish I could play a musical instrument. I wish I had the patience to learn.

Walking ’round the room singing
Stormy weather
At 57 mt. pleasant st.
Now it’s the same room but everything’s different
You can fight the sleep but not the dream
Things ain’t cooking in my kitchen
Strange affliction wash over me
Julius caesar and the roman empire
Couldn’t conquer the blue sky
There’s a small boat made of china
Going nowhere on the mantlepiece
Do I lie like a loungeroom lizard
Or do I sing like a bird released

Chorus
Everywhere you go you always take the weather with you

—Neil Finn, “Weather With You”

Sparky’s eleven and a half years old, and way too active for his age.

When we moved here nine years ago, there were only three houses in the neighbourhood, so we left him free to roam as he pleased. The only time he wore a leash was when he made himself a nuisance with guests. Those were the hotshot days of his youth. He was the meanest fighter on the street, he could scale five-foot walls like a cat, and he made himself a throne out of the flower-bed on the compound wall, from where he would spend hours lording over his land.

He even learnt to bang on the door latch when he wanted to be let in. A single, loud bang that could be heard all over the house, not the wimpy double-knock that humans use. There was never any doubt about who was asking for entrance.

Now he’s old and can no longer scale walls. The street is filled with houses and the neighbours all love him, so he still roams free, but the only strays left are his own offspring. There’s no one to have a territorial war with, no new ground to explore. There’s pretty much no activity left.

And so he spends his days indoors, making sorrowful noises asking to be let out, and once out, parades up and down his street and promptly returns. Then the cycle begins again. Sometimes I put him on a leash and take him on a walk just to relieve him of the boredom, but the strays further in the village don’t like trespassers, and he never finds the walks long enough. He does seem to enjoy walking with a leash though. It gives him a “taking the human for a walk” air, and is somewhat comforting when trespassing the younger strays — outraged as they may be, they’ll never come within range of a human foot.

If they called it the Snoot Club, at least you could give them credit for honesty.

Do you like fountains? When I see them, what comes to mind are a) they are wet, and b) that’s electricity being consumed for no good reason. With this fountain, they seem to have found a reason: washing that concrete block every evening.
See video (95 kB) »

What is BTNL? Bangalore Telecom Nigam Limited?

Barely half a decade ago, this would have been warning of wallet pickers.

v_k_b says what you can expect is a bomb in the stomach the next day.

Gives a whole new meaning to Mobile Showroom.

Can sign boards get picked up for loitering?

Someday, I will learn to take a landscape picture that does justice to the actual sight. For now, this is all I have to show.

These patterns dominated half the sky. A rainbow took the other half. I clambered onto the rooftop water tank for a view unhindered by the neighbour’s plumbing, unmindful of the drizzle, and then realised I didn’t know what to shoot, didn’t know how to compress half the sky into that tiny frame, didn't know how to capture that glory for display at will. Someday, I’ll learn.